This post contains discussion of abuse.
And you might know that she’s been married to filmmaker Charlie McDowell since 2021.
In a recent episode of the We Can Do Hard Things podcast, Lily revealed that she was in an emotionally abusive relationship prior to being with Charlie.
Emily says that it felt like the man who she was in a relationship with “chose” her, and that she changed her own behavior as a result.
“I leaned into what it was that he wanted me to be like,” she explained. “Wanted me to say or not say. Wear, not wear. Do, not do. There was a lot of control. A lot of emotional abuse.”
Lily said that the man she was in a relationship with would call her “Little Lily,” and he would also demean her looks and call her misogynistic slurs.
“He’d use awful words about me in terms of what I was wearing and would call me a whore and all these things,” she recalled.
As a result of how she was treated, Lily said she “became quite silent and comfortable in silence and feeling like I had to make myself small to feel super safe.”
Lily also said that the stress from the relationship literally made her physically sick, and that she was only able to recover from the experience after entering therapy.
Lily also shared how she and Charlie have prioritized healthy communication and behavior in their relationship.
“We do communicate and talk about so much that he will be the first person to be like ‘You know that’s not normal, right? Or that’s pretty fucked up or that must feel weird.'”
Listen to the entire interview here.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
