Question from a parent:
My 10-year-old daughter recently saw a video showing violent scenes of blood and gunshots at a party. She has also been exposed to partial news reports due to the constant television coverage in our home. She has been asking me questions, and I’m unsure how to best explain things to her. What should I do?
Expert answer by Michal Dalyot:
When a child asks a question, it is important to provide them with an answer, regardless of their age.
Your response can be as simple as ‘I’m not completely sure, let me find out.’ We should not shield children from information, especially those who are over the age of eight.
It may be possible at the age of 3, but not before then.
At 10, a child can already understand the consequences of things and can articulate their thoughts. When children approach you with questions like ‘What is that alarm?’ or ‘What was that video I saw?’ respond with questions to gauge their understanding.
It’s crucial to answer with curiosity because their thoughts may not align with yours. For instance, a 9-year-old girl who recently fled from a conflict zone asked her mother, ‘What if I go missing?’ The mother listened and asked what she meant. The girl was afraid of getting lost and not being found. The mother reassured her with humor, saying that she would be found no matter what, even if they had to search the moon and send spaceships.
The girl continued by asking what would happen if her parents went missing, and the mother explained how her grandmother and the government would help her find them. Therefore, my recommendation is to initially respond to children’s questions with questions to understand their perspective, and then tailor your explanation based on their age and comprehension level. But remember, you don’t need to share the whole truth. Ask them what they saw and structure the story accordingly. The key is to not remain silent when children are seeking answers. We are a nation recovering from trauma.
Question from a parent:
I am a mother of three children, and my 3-and-a-half-year-old daughter has started wetting the bed again this week. We live near the Gaza Strip, and I suspect it is related to the alarms and disturbances we hear because she had been dry for nearly a year. It seems like she is the most affected among all the children, and I am concerned that it may worsen. What is the best way to handle this situation?
Expert answer:
It is essential to acknowledge and address bedwetting in children, regardless of their age, whether they are 3, 5, or 7. It is involuntary, unconscious, and certainly not under their control.
Anxiety takes over, and the body loses control. Therefore, the most important thing is to respond to the matter itself. For instance, say to your daughter, ‘Oh, it’s okay, accidents happen. Let’s change the sheets.’
If she were 6 years old, you could also add, ‘You know, we are all very scared about what’s happening. Do you think I’m not scared? Of course, I am.’ It’s a scary situation. Additionally, tell her, ‘Listen, it gets quite cold at night. Would you like to wear nighttime underwear? Instead of wetting the bed and feeling cold, you can sleep comfortably.’
Since she’s already a year old, she may not remember what diapers are, so you can buy nighttime underwear with princess illustrations to make her feel at ease. In time, her anxiety levels will decrease. It may sound cliché, but time will heal. While it may be challenging to find individual psychologists or social workers in the near future, there will likely be a range of resources available.
